The Comfort and Joy of Finding Neutral
It's all about the Vagus, breathing and fooling yourself
Dear Reader,
We each strive to find happiness, but all too often fall into sadness and depression. We want to be successful but regularly meet what we see as failure. We want to be kind but are seduced by selfishness and greed. Are we asking too much of ourselves, at least in the first instance? Is expecting to be in a happy positive mood too much to expect.
I’d argue that humans have evolved to be average, just good enough to exist somewhere between survival and thriving. Neutral is the least energy sapping place to be, safe, comforting and neutral that’s where we are most of the time. Being continually ecstatically happy is unachievable, and in the end pathological.
Don’t get me wrong I believe we should look to be the best we can be, and successful if that is for you, but not at the expense of ourselves, our happiness. Far too many of us begin from a bad place hoping to jump to nirvana. This desire is doomed to failure. It’s asking too much too soon. But what about “Neutral”, maybe first aiming for neutral is a reasonable request. Neutral is like a cocoon, holding us softly, carefully, ready for more positive times. Our emotional expenditure in neutral is minimal, neither anxious nor elated, both of which are unsustainable. What might neutral feel like, and how can we find it intentionally in our everyday lives?
Going Neutral
Before we dive in, neutral is somewhere between two extremes, horrible and marvellous, negative and positive. Have positive thoughts we’re told. My immediate reaction to that is, “You’re not the boss of me, I’ll do what I want when I want.” We need to be more subtle to find neutral. We can’t escape our biology, so what is physiological neutrality?
To a large degree our moods are influenced by the balance of hormones we generate. The so-called stress hormones including adrenaline and cortisol (there are many others) drive awareness both psychological and physical. Too much of them for too long causes disease of various kinds. Their antagonists include endorphins, and DHEA pushing down on the other end of the mood see-saw. When the impacts of the two arms are balanced, we could say we are in “Neutral”. Neither dominating the other.
Our moods and physiology operate quickly or slowly. Mood changes relatively slowly and takes effort to shift. We may remain in a downer for months if not years. Going for neutral is the first step. Why should we expect to rebalance the scales in a heartbeat. Which brings me nicely to heartbeat and what we can do with it.
Our conscious controls
One of the central pillars of most traditional practices including meditation and yoga, is learned control over breathing. This is not an accident. It’s embedded in our language. When we see someone agitated, we advise them to, “Take slow deep breaths”. They calm down and re-group. What we just asked them to do, moved them towards the comfort of “Neutral” ready to take considered action, rather than panic under the influence of adrenaline.
What is it about breathing?
I’ll keep this simple. Slow deep belly breathing seems to ‘massage’ the Vagus nerve as it passes through a small gap in the diaphragm. It’s one of the very few places where voluntary action can influence neural activity in a positive fashion. A consequence is that our heart slows and moves into what is called “Coherence”. This is a good thing!
Not only can we influence the rate at which our heart beats, but we can also affect Heart Rate Variability (HRV). Normally when we breath in our heart beats a little faster, and on an out breath it beats a little more slowly. In an anxious state, HRV is all over the place, but when we learn to breathe deeply, and steadily from the diaphragm, the difference between in breath pulse rate and out breath rate increases. One consequence of this is the brain perceives coherence as an indicator of heart wellbeing, “Everything is OK down here”, and in turn the brain quietens our sympathetic nervous system (via the Vagus) which is responsible for inducing adrenaline and cortisol secretion.
If practised over months, it is possible to rebalance our hormones voluntarily and achieve control over moving into “Neutral”.
Mentally fooling ourselves into Neutral
OK, deep breathing might be too big an ask to begin with. How about fooling yourself into “Neutral”?
I battle anxiety and depression every waking moment. It’s much easier now I’m in my late sixties, partly because of the physical work like deep breathing and exercise, but also because I know where “Neutral” lies. It lies somewhere between awful and marvellous, but until the last ten years I could name awful, but I had no vocabulary for marvellous. Without that I couldn’t find the middle, my “Neutral”.
Positive Opposites
What is the opposite of ‘sad’? Happy of course. What then, is the positive opposite of suicidal? It’s not happy. The opposite of depressed could be ecstatic or elated.
It appears that there are degrees of negative and positive, it’s not binary. Can you be anxious and excited at the same time, or depressed and calm? To find my “Neutral” in any given situation, I found I had to expand my emotional vocabulary. The simple act of doing this gave me more influence over my moods. Was I depressed or simply very sad?
Here's a list of twenty words describing negative moods and emotional states
1. Anxious
2. Angry
3. Sad
4. Frustrated
5. Lonely
6. Hopeless
7. Jealous
8. Depressed
9. Guilty
10. Embarrassed
11. Fearful
12. Resentful
13. Irritated
14. Insecure
15. Overwhelmed
16. Bitter
17. Grief-stricken
18. Ashamed
19. Disappointed
20. Worried
What words would you choose to be their “Positive Opposites”?
Breathe into the “Positive Opposites”
You may well not be in a very positive place now but humour me.
Pay attention to your mood right now. Spend time working out if you’re in a generally positive or negative mood? If you’re in a negative mood, even if only mildly, try to describe it, name it using one of the negative words you picked above, or come up with a new one.
Breathe deeply, six seconds in and six out, do that for a total of six breaths. Then select a word that feels like the “Positive Opposite” of your negative mood word. Still breathing six seconds in and six out.
Your mind will wander, that’s what human minds do. Simply notice it wandering and bring it very gently back to focus on your breathing and your Positive Opposite Word. You’re not trying to achieve the nirvana of this Positive frame of mind you’re simply breathing whilst thinking of that word. It’s only practice.
Now, notice your mood again, it may or may not have changed. Why would it change the first time you try this?
What now?
Pay attention to your life’s “Mood Seminar”!
If you can, pay simple attention to the mood you find yourself in at any time of the day, is it generally negative or positive. If it’s positive run with it! If it’s negative, name it, describe how it feels, what thoughts accompany it. Breathe deeply, find a Positive Opposite word and think about that word and its implications, as you breathe six seconds in and six out.
Is this all Mumbo Jumbo?
Given time and a lot more ‘paper’ I could describe more about the physiological and neurological changes you induce by doing this exercise and sticking to it, but I won’t. Suffice to say that it takes us a long time to slide into chronic negative downward mood states, and consequently it takes effort and time to get out of it.
That said, we all know how to breath, we all know what it looks like when people are generally of a positive demeanour. When we are in control of our breathing, we are primed to influence our moods. The first step is to fall in love with neutral.
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